heslin.org

Ha ha, he's fat because he eats lasagna

heslin — Sun, 7 Feb 2012 12:18:51 -0500

Yesterday, like famous comic strip cat Garfield, I found myself hating Mondays.

Why?

I missed a chunk of work. Yeah yeah, I know, "time off of work is great!" You know what else is great? Being able to pay your bills. But, sure, I'll call this one a mixed bag.

I had to drive around Bucks County. As someone who has enjoyed his shift from a driving routine to a train/mass transit routine, this was a minor annoyance.

I had to go to court. No, no, they didn't finally tie me to those Satanic ritual killings from back in '04. I was there in my professional capacity. And as you probably know if you're reading this, my professional capacity is not very capacious. But I went, besuited and betied, parked and paid to park in Doylestown, before nine AM. Bleah. Thumbs down.

While at court, a judge questioned my ability to practice law. Because, you know, that's what I want. "A little insult with your aggravation, m'sieu?" "Non, merci, non." (Aside: there's a little part of me that desperately wants a judge or some other authority figure to tell me that I can't practice law. That will signal my valiant attempt to have my student loans deleted from my ledger, as a significant hardship. That part of me does not properly understand bankruptcy. [Though those of you thinking "student loan debt can't be discharged in bankruptcy" should do some reading on the subject. Mmmm.])

I lied about my reason for being late to work, because my job - which is terrible and hateful - will be terminated if my bosses learn I am practicing law. Better safe than subject to some kind of conflict of interest action, they say. I say, "it's bad enough we have to do this work to survive, but if we try and do something for ourselves, you'll fire us?"

I worked very late to make up the time. Not a big deal, I work late a lot.

I had to spend the night in Ingrid's and my new place, as a favor to our landlord. I neglected to bring any blankets. It was cold last night, and I am afraid / too cheap to turn up the heat. (Afraid because our neighbor told us she paid $500 to the gas company one month, and too cheap for the same reason.)

My other neighbor's (drunk? insane?) boyfriend showed up at her house last night, as I was trying to park. I could not, because his car blocked the alley. And my garage. I rolled the window down and asked him to move his car. "You have to help me," he said. "Can you move it?" I said. "Can you help me?" he repeated. I gave up and parked down the block. While trying to go to sleep, I heard him yelling "Call the police!" and laying on his car horn. The police came, and I have to assume he's sleeping it off / in protective custody somewhere.

My mantra for that Monday was "everything's coming up Millhouse." I hope your Monday was considerably better.

--12:14 PM, EDT, Philadelphia, PA, I'm'a go Pietro on these cats, right?

Olive Finch

heslin — Sun, 1 Feb 2012 07:44:22 -0500

Congratulations, Ryan and Carrie.

--7:41 AM, EDT, Hatboro, PA, "And I can tell you 'bout today / And how I picked you up and everything changed"

Man, I feel bad for anyone who's been checking regularly

heslin — Sun, 26 Jan 2012 17:28:49 -0500

But hey, RSS is your friend.

(This site's purpose is arguably to reassure people that I'm not dead. The people perhaps most in need of this service are also people least likely to know what an RSS feed is. I'm so sorry.)

TELL ME THE DATE! TELL ME WHAT YEAR THIS IS!

Heh, yeah. I can't update this site, it appears. I apologize to anyone who checks it semi-regularly.

Here are some data:

ITEM! I'm moving to 19119. For the first time in however many years I've been telling people I'm from Philadelphia, it'll be true. Come visit.

ITEM! I'm not sure if I hate social media, or humanity. It might be both. There's nothing to say it can't be both.

ITEM! Since I'm leaving Hatboro, and my D&D game is in Hatboro (or thereabouts), I might start a new one. Mmmm, new games. I'm really hoping Ingrid doesn't try her first game in X years and realize she hates it. Because, you know, we need DPS. C'mon.

ITEM! I'm taking a break from reading comics. For as much as I wish grown-ass adult human beings would allow themselves to read challenging, authentic contemporary fiction (look, I read all the Harry Potter books, but you know what? They're children's books), I was reading a lot of comics that didn't do very much for me as literature. So, I'll take a hiatus. Maybe come back in a few years, see what the industry looks like. I do hear good things about Locke & Key, though. If you were looking for a recommendation.

ITEM! I might be abandoning the compact disc as a music medium. The future, you know? Man.

ITEM! I have a stack of books from Christmas that'll likely keep me busy through summer. Haruki Murakami, Terry Pratchett, Umberto Eco, Christopher Moore. It's a good time waiting to happen.

ITEM! I tricked Ingrid into moving up here. Next step: tricking her into giving up her cell phone and car, and then the trap snaps shut.

...what? Oh, crap. Um, I mean, I'm really excited she's agreed to put up with me on a more regular basis. Yes. That's what I mean. And that's my story (until she agrees to the joint checking account).

Please get ahold of me if you're pissed that I haven't updated this more regularly. Please don't get ahold of me if you want to know if you can have my stuff, since I'm moving. I'll let you know if that's the case.

--5:20 PM, EDT, Philadelphia, PA, thinking outrageously I write in cursive --Sufyan Stevens, "The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out To Get Us!"

Might be a new record

heslin — Sun, 29 Nov 2011 12:48:34 -0500

So, that last entry says July 2011. It is now November, almost December, of that same year. I suppose I can hang my hat on the fact that it hasn't been a full year since I last posted anything here.

Classic situation: if I'm not doing anything, I have plenty of time to write about it here. If I'm doing everything, I have no time to write about it. I've been pulling down 50 and 60 hour work weeks, not counting commute times, and spending most of my weekends either traveling to Washington or traveling with someone from Washington.

So, while I could rhapsodize about the joys of small-market airports or needing extra blankets at night up in the mountains of Vermont, I could also just be living in those moments and not memorializing them. (Adam WarRock's got a song about that. That dude is so great.)

So, yeah. I just had a project end questionably, and it looks like I might have some time off. As a colleague said, "Time off of a project is either too short or too long." You either won't have enough time to get your own errands done or personal stuff attended to (and unemployment won't kick in fast enough to help you cover your bills), or you will have a terrible interminable time of unrequited job search, waiting to hear if another project is coming along, or who-knows-what.

I need to get my car inspected, get my apartment cleaned in anticipation of moving in the next few months, learn to crochet, buy some new work-suitable clothes and shoes (though I should really wait until after Christmas at this point).

Items:

As of this month or the next, I've essentially stopped reading comics on a monthly basis. There is no cause for this, I just did.
The value of the World of Warcraft game, for me, is in playing with other people. If I don't get some other people to play with soon, I might chuck it along with reading comics.
While I'm a little conflicted about reading The Pale King, because David Foster Wallace never approved the manuscript, I will read it. C'mon, we're not going to see anything else from the man. This is your last shot.

Okay, someone's buying me lunch and I need a shower. My apologies to anyone who put me in their RSS feed and then forgot about me.

--12:44 PM EST, November 29, 2011, remember to kick it over

Carnivale

heslin — Sun, 5 Jul 2011 11:43:15 -0400

Before Lent, you throw down and you throw down hard. Since you'll be giving up all the luxury things, the indulgent things. So indulge.

Okay, I don't really give up anything for Lent, and the idea that you throw down for throwing down's own sake for Mardi Gras, or whatever flavor you celebrate, doesn't resonate with me. I am not about spontaneous nihilistic hedonism; I am about meaningful earned hedonism.

The upshot of all this is: I had a good weekend. I am not claiming to have "earned" anything, though Sunday's flight debacle was reminiscent of medieval church penance. I did not suffer in silence, though, as anyone who follows my Twitter can attest. But Saturday and Sunday (and Monday morning) more than made up for Delta Airlines' corporate failures.

I'll be futzing with my computer and trying out PC-only games if anyone needs me for the next three weeks.

--11:40 AM, Philadephia, PA, the difference in the hero and the villain is the absolute truth